Morra Aarons-Mele | The Anxious Achiever

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Liberate Yourself From Anxiety By Embracing Uncertainty

What if a complete stranger first asked you to prepare a five minute job talk with only five minutes to prepare, and then immediately after tested your acuity by asking you to count backwards from 1,022 in steps of 13? Sweating yet?

Yes: This is a widely used test designed by scientists to exploit our stress. Or rather, to reliably measure the levels of stress biomarkers humans release when in a challenging psychosocial situation. It’s called the Trier test (TSST). Blood and saliva samples are collected before and after. "The TSST has been found to reliably activate the hypothalamic–pituitary–adrenal (HPA) stress axis and to trigger a two- to threefold release of the stress hormone cortisol (compared to non-stress control conditions) in about 70–80% of participants."

And it’s no wonder. The worst part of the Trier test isn’t actually doing the talking or counting. It’s the anticipation. The test perfectly captures the anguish of being stuck doing something hard and having no idea what’s coming next or if you’re going to fail and face harsh judgment.

The good news: a simple reframe can help reduce anticipatory anxiety and improve performance. And it's a perfect example of how we can learn to tolerate uncertainty by learning new cognitive strategies and taking new actions, says my guest, author Maggie Jackson.

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Unease doesn’t equal weakness: that’s Jackson’s message. To thrive in the world, we need to learn to make peace with the unknown. We need to reframe uncertainty not as something to fear, dread, and avoid at all costs, but instead to lean in to curiosity. We need to embrace the future with “curious eyes.”

Facing uncertainty is good stress; it's the body’s way of revving up for a challenge. Jackson says, "When we meet something new... the body and brain spring into alertness and [there] is a kind of wakefulness. Scientists call it arousal." Educating people about this process and framing it as positive helps us manage through tough spots. Just before they started a stressful, unknown task like the TSTT, social psychologist Jeremy Jamieson taught subjects that arousal is a resource - that the release of norepinephrine for example primes the brain to learn. Jackson writes that neurotransmitters like norepinephrine, acetylcholine and dopamine tell us to tune into challenge and “so avoid the myopic focus on outcome that can derail our ability to perceive.” It’s called approach mode. People who learn the reframe do better on the Trier test. Subjects become more engaged with what was going on around them and less tied to anxiety about an outcome. Jackson calls this an important way that we can dial back on anxiety and “liberate ourselves.” It’s literally telling your body and brain, we can do this!

And I know what you’re thinking: sounds great, but uncertainty makes me anxious and imagine the worst possible outcome. I get it. How do we turn the anxious person's anticipation of bad uncertainty into the more neutral, curious, observant framework that Jackson suggests?

It’s really important to understand that uncertainty is good stress. Uncertainty puts you at the edge of being comfortable. Some people are just better at managing uncertainty. Jackson says, “It's not that they see uncertainty as absolutely 100% always wonderful, it's that they see that when they're in the unknown, there are multiple possibilities. It's not just a disaster. So they're actually learning to surprise themselves, which is curiosity and exploration.”

Here is a great way to practice:

If you tend to get anxious about how you’re going to perform under pressure, practice using cue words. This helps you be open to uncertainty even while you're in the process of trying to achieve an outcome that you really, really care about.

If you’re prepping for an exam or presentation, or a game or match, we tend to over focus on the outcome: will we win or lose? While it's very important, says Jackson, those of us with a lower tolerance for uncertainty can get too anxious or distracted by the outcome.

“It takes us away from the present moment in a way that's really corrosive. There's a study of professional tennis tournaments, and I mean at the top-- Wimbledon and the US Open-- and they found that if the trophy was displayed on the court during a finals match, the best player on the court, the one who was expected to win, faltered. They struggled. It was that reward-based outcome….It's called reward-based distraction in psychology." So how do we push back on that?

Use a cue! You might say: “focus on the play.” Such techniques protect you from letting your expectations about the outcome take you out of the moment.

Jackson says, “A cue word is a wonderful reminder of the fact that we can engage with the present moment in a less anxious way. For instance, sometimes young athletes are taught to focus on every play, so they develop their own mantra. When I'm trying to fall asleep and my mind is racing, racing, racing, I just tell myself 'off duty, Maggie, you're off duty.’ Try to allow yourself to draw the line and to then step away from that constant racing mind, worrying about the outcome.”

I’ve been experimenting with telling myself “In it” when my mind gets overwhelmed by potential outcomes while I'm doing something hard. This practice is similar to my method of giving your anxiety a job. Staying in the moment and doing a task you know well helps us lean into good stress and feel greater efficacy!

Morra

PS: Read Maggie's book Uncertain: The Wisdom and Wonder of Being Unsure. It's amazing.

PPS: Here’s some press from last week:

Killing It at Work But Still Worried? You Might Be an ‘Anxious Overachiever.’

Do high pressure companies prey on anxious achievers? I discussed with Sarah Green Carmichael from Bloomberg

https://www.bloomberg.com/opinion/articles/2024-02-29/are-you-an-insecure-overachiever-how-to-calm-down-about-work?sref=8SU5LPWa

Five distinct generations share today’s workplace, each with different expectations and preferences for mental health support. I shared my insights with SHRM

https://www.shrm.org/topics-tools/news/employee-relations/meeting-mental-health-needs-across-generations