“I’d feel that angst when her name popped into my inbox account…”

“I would feel a panic attack where I could barely get a word out on some occasions…it was when she was there or when certain people would say jokes that were racially charged. It was in meetings.”

"I'd get panic attacks and anxiety, and I would find myself depressed more than usual. And I started to equate that to certain personalities and certain coworkers that I'd engage with that would start to make me feel that way.”

This is today’s guest, Minda Harts, describing the experience of being constantly triggered at work. After years of facing toxic environments and racial trauma, Minda finally figured it out: it wasn’t her, it was them.

Minda explains, “In the book I call a former colleague “Carrie.” I didn't realize that when her name would pop up in my inbox or her number would pop up on caller ID, or I'd be in a meeting with her that all of a sudden things would start to happen... I just wasn't in a space to be able to connect the dots that this was her causing me this, instead of me causing something wrong with me. And so I started to unpack what triggers were causing these things, because I think it's so important for us to understand what's behind all of this.”

She notes, by “figuring out why these things are important so that we're not suffocated and paralyzed by these experiences, we can then work to create solutions and frameworks to help us get through those tough moments. I realized that I don't have to leave my career into somebody else's hands. That I don't have to make everything work.”                              

Working in an environment that’s constantly triggering has profound effects on your mental health. But it’s also probably reflecting a toxic system, and affecting others, too. Minda says,

“I always felt like I was walking on eggshells throughout my career. And in the last year of it, I just really started to interrogate and investigate: what's my part in this? I'm being complicit in my own oppression. I'm participating in this and I'm also saying that it's okay for the next person to enter and have to accept this type of work style and environment too.”

Minda began a journey of healing that led her to help thousands of “heartbroken” women of color- who’d given work there are and gotten sh** in return.

Many of us are triggered at work, and we’re so used to it we don’t even notice. Our personal boundaries are crossed, we’re shamed, micromanaged, stripped of our autonomy, or just plain disrespected.

Workplace triggers can be intense racial slights, as Minda describes, or it can be something like always being talked over in meetings, or constantly sent emails too late at night when nothing is urgent.

We all react emotionally to specific triggers at work.  

If you see a certain person’s name pop up in email or Slack-- does your stomach flip?

Or do you feel dread and anxiety with the mere name?

The first step to reclaiming is to notice when you're getting triggered and boundaries are being crossed. The mere act of noticing is a mindfulness meditation -- what Victor Frankl famously called “the space between” stimulus and response. 

Even if you are high on anxiety you can claim the space in between. 

Here’s an exercise to try this week:

• How do you feel at 9 AM, noon, and 3 and 6 PM?

• Does your body change over the course of the day - or as you receive these emails or attend those meetings?

• Does your heart rate accelerate? 

The experience of stress also has to do with your body wanting to take action.

If you get stressed, does a particular part of your body react?

Note down who, what, where and when you get set off.