In last week’s newsletter, Laura Key, host of the ADHD Aha! podcast, posed a question: Who are you working so hard for?

This week on The Anxious Achiever, psychologist Lisa Orbé-Austin joins me to share what her research has shown about how to get rid of impostor syndrome. Yes, I said it. “You can actually eradicate this thing,” Orbé-Austin says.

And it actually starts with the same question: who are you working so hard for? Are you working so hard to prove something to people in your past? To prove to your peers you’re one of them? Are you working so hard because it’s all you know how to do?

Like so many of us, if you’re stuck in the Impostor Cycle, you’re both fearing feeling shame, and working to gain others’ approval. The Impostor Cycle, Lisa Orbé-Austin explains, is triggered by new and challenging situations. You may fear failure or being “found out.” The situation may trigger ghosts from the past. Once you’re triggered, you have performance anxiety. And then you overwork, or self sabotage and procrastinate.

The Impostor Cycle is driven by external feedback- you either get great feedback and then internalize that your overwork and perfectionism got you the good feedback -- or, you might get negative feedback and hyperfocus on that. The cycle perpetuates. 

“Within this cycle,” Dr. Orbé-Austin notes, “there is no internalization of the successful experience. The accomplishment isn’t accepted as part of [your] identity or attributed much value, so the next time you perform, it’s as if the previous accomplishments never existed. Thus, the cycle begins again.” 

Many anxious leaders experience more impostor syndrome as they grow in their careers and become more successful. Every promotion, accolade, achievement, or career move gives you a fresh opportunity to doubt yourself. This happens because with impostor syndrome, we’re unable to internalize and “own” our successes. “Oh that was just a fluke!” your anxious brain says. “Anybody could’ve done it.” 

So: How do you begin to break the Impostor Cycle?

Dr. Orbé-Austin says, “see yourself for the first time.” If it’s too hard for you to see yourself in a warm light, find someone else to see the vision of you and your future you can’t see. A friend, trusted colleague, or mentor. Maybe even your mom. Other people can see us for who we are: our strengths. Over time, says Orbé-Austin, we need to learn to fill our own cups. But we can lean on others to get there.

I’ve been in a very vulnerable period of massive career change recently. I’ve had to literally hear people remind me of my worth can I can’t feel it myself.

And maybe, you can be a cup filler for someone else who is struggling with their own impostor feelings?