What motivates an athlete through years of sacrifice, pain, and extreme discipline? I'm sure it's different for every athlete. On the U.S. National rowing team, my guest Michael di Santo used anxiety and anger as powerful motivators to drive his performance, making it to the 2016 Rio Olympics. In this week's newsletter, we explore the lessons we can learn about channeling emotions for performance.

Educated at Harvard and Oxford, an elite rower for over a decade, you might think di Santo is the kind of guy who figured it all out. He grew up supported by family and mentors who taught him to pursue his dreams and who deeply believed in him. But the reality of an elite rower's life isn't glamorous. Rowing is not paid well and therefore young rowers need to work other jobs or depend on others. They miss out on universal rights of passage of being young and having fun. They miss out on crucial years of career development. The drive for excellence is incredible but the weight is also heavy.

The Power of "Negative" Emotions

What drives an athlete to endure 365 days of physical punishment and extreme mental discipline at the highest level? For di Santo, it was a constant feeling of having "something to prove," especially after joining the national rowing team. This mindset kept him perpetually on edge, as if any sign of weakness could be used against him.

"You always got to be on, you always got to win. No excuses," di Santo says, describing his mentality at the time. As a member of the U.S. Rowing team, he cultivated an intensely competitive mindset fueled by anger, anxiety, and fear of failure.

"At my best, I was just so angry. I was so pissed off," di Santo told me. "I was at times probably not a very good teammate because I built up this 'me against everyone' mentality. I had to prove myself, had to go out and beat everyone. I couldn't give anyone an excuse to keep me out of the boat."

This combative attitude allowed di Santo to push himself to extremes, both physically and mentally. "When I was at my best, I could channel this inner anger and this inner adrenaline, and I could do stuff that, I dunno how I did it. It was fight or flight. It was a visceral, visceral feeling. All I had was rowing. That's how I defined success and failure."

Reflecting back, di Santo understands the mindset was largely self-imposed, but it worked at the time. "I would conjure up these situations that may or may not have been rooted in reality, but it's your anxiety and by definition anxiety is not rational," he explains. "I was just a pessimist. My view at the time was not that it'll work out, it was that it's not going to work out unless you do these things. And that's probably a subtle shift, but it had a pretty meaningful impact and it really impacted how I approached it."

Can you relate? I can!

This high-stakes, high-pressure approach was draining but effective - at least for a while. Di Santo found he could channel his inner anger and adrenaline to achieve remarkable athletic feats. His boat placed fourth at the Rio Olympics, a remarkable feat for a non-professional team.

The anxiety manifested viscerally for di Santo before races. He would wake up at 4:30 am on race days just to make sure his body was fully alert. The nerves and anger became a critical part of his pre-race ritual.

When Motivation Runs Dry

After years of operating at this intense emotional pitch, di Santo found his ability to tap into that anger and anxiety beginning to fade. "That energy channel just dried up," he says. He could still access anger, but it no longer provided the same performance boost.

di Santo kept rowing, hoping to win that Olympic medal. But he increasingly struggled to find the same passionate drive that had fueled him before. “Something that had given me a lot of dopamine and a lot of happiness was now bringing me a lot of stress, a lot of anxiety. I wasn't getting the same response from it. It wasn't a labor of love, it was just labor. “

This loss of motivation coincided with other life changes as di Santo approached his thirties. He found himself envying friends who were getting married, advancing in careers, and generally enjoying life more. The monastic lifestyle of an elite athlete began to wear on him in new ways.

By 2020, as the pandemic delayed the Olympics, di Santo was "just not super invested" anymore. He made one last attempt to qualify for the Tokyo Games, but came up short. And with that, his rowing career came to an end. But at that point, di Santo felt closure.

Lessons on Motivation and Mental Health

Big, uncomfortable emotions like anxiety and anger are motivating for lots of us, and we shouldn't be scared to feel these emotions and channel them.

1. Anxiety can be fuel - if managed properly. di Santo learned to use his pre-race nerves as a source of energy and focus. This is helpful in bursts... but when the anxiety gets chronic it wears you down.

2. Anger and fear can drive achievement, but again, when they get chronic there's a cost. While di Santo's intense emotions powered his performance for years, they also took a mental and emotional toll.

3. Mental health matters as much as physical training. di Santo admits he neglected his mental wellbeing as an athlete, focusing solely on physical performance. Now he works with a therapist regularly and thinks of mental health just like keeping his body fit.

5. Listening to emotions is instructive. What are they trying to tell you? Leaving elite athletics was difficult for di Santo, but allowed him to develop in new ways personally and professionally.

Life After Olympic Dreams

Now 34 and working in finance in New York City, di Santo is still adjusting to everyday life three years after retiring from rowing. He's had to learn to relax and socialize in ways his regimented athletic life never allowed.

The transition hasn't always been smooth. di Santo went from being one of the best in the world at rowing to feeling completely out of his depth in a new career. "You go from being very good at one thing...to now you are awful," he says of his first days in finance.

But he's finding new ways to channel his drive and work ethic in the corporate world, and tap into the intrinsic motivation that launched his rowing career. And he's learning to relate to anxiety and stress differently - still using it as motivation at times, but not letting it consume him.

di Santo's journey offers hope and perspective for other high achievers learning to harness difficult emotions productively. With self-awareness and the right support, we can transform anxiety and anger from destructive forces into powerful fuel for growth and success.

The key is finding sustainable ways to stay motivated and mentally healthy for the long haul. As di Santo puts it: "I don't think there will ever be a time where I'm going to say I'm not going to be invested in my mental health."

For all of us anxious achievers out there, that's wisdom worth taking to heart.

Morra

P.S: Here’s a reflection. What emotions motivate you to achieve your peak performance?