How to Heal After a Layoff
When National Public Radio announced they would cut 10% of staff with a month's notice, Yowei Shaw, who hosted a popular NPR podcast, found herself in a state of limbo. The uncertainty manifested physically - she discovered she was grinding her teeth at night, as confirmed by both her dentist and husband.
Despite the advance warning, the layoff shocked her. "I felt safe, if I'm being honest, because I think that my operating system up to that point had been, if you work hard, you'll be safe." This belief, she explains, stemmed from both her immigrant family background and the broader American myth of meritocracy.
photo credit: Marcus Branch
The month-long waiting period transformed workplace dynamics. As a union shop steward, Shaw observed increased solidarity among colleagues who shared job postings and supported each other emotionally. Surprisingly, "people got 10 times funnier" as gallows humor became a coping mechanism. One ongoing debate concerned whether to cry during the layoff meeting - should you "traumatize the person laying you off" or "not let them see you sweat?"
The experience revealed darker aspects of workplace culture. "I could feel the gears of capitalism grinding inside me," she recalls. In every Zoom meeting, she found herself involuntarily analyzing which colleagues might be cut, calculating factors like years of experience, cost to the organization, and performance metrics.
After being laid off, Shaw struggled with shame despite knowing intellectually it wasn't her fault. "I would walk around and I felt like I was a video game character whose points had gone way down... I would be around people who loved me, friends and family, and I would just be so in my head paranoid that they were looking at me differently, that they thought of me as deficient now. My intellectual reality did not match my emotional reality."
Watch the session recording here.
“The Wild West”
Through her reporting for her new podcast Proxy, Shaw discovered unsettling truths about layoff decisions. "We have very few protections for workers around layoffs, and so it really is kind of the wild west," she notes. While layoffs should follow clear business strategy decisions, an HR representative revealed this isn't typically how it works. Factors can be surprisingly arbitrary - from salary costs to even whether leadership has heard of an employee. More troublingly, retaliation against workers who organize or speak up can play a role.
One particularly difficult revelation was about performance-based selection. "Sometimes it is about getting rid of the worst performers, which directly goes against what a layoff is supposed to be. It's supposed to be a no fault termination." This contradicts the fundamental definition of a layoff, which is meant to be distinct from performance-based termination.
The reality of finding new work after a layoff is challenging. Research shows it's twice as hard to get an interview if employers know you're unemployed or laid off, compared to candidates with the same credentials who are currently employed. Recovery can take up to two years or more, especially if finding new employment proves difficult.
How to Start Healing
Shaw says, “I was surprised by how long it took me to recover [from my layoff], but I've seen some psychologists say that on average it can take up to two years or more. If you have trouble getting another job, then it could take even longer. So I think the first piece of advice is to just have self-compassion that things will take time, and it's okay that it takes time.”
Prioritize your mental health and find community with people who understand. Shaw stresses it's really important to protect your mental health, to find spaces that are safe for you “to vent about your negative feelings, maybe find solidarity with other laid off people or friends and family who've been laid off in the past and who can understand. I think that there can be a lot of blame and judgment that comes from people who haven't been through this experience themself, who might be like, ‘Why aren't you looking harder? Maybe you don't have the right attitude,’ and that's not helpful. And I think it's important to just find the people who make you feel good and understand what you're going through.”
Shaw also recommends creating a “weird little ritual” to take your mind off things. “We don't really make space to examine and grieve this particular kind of breakup. I felt at sea for a while. I didn't know what to do with my feelings. I didn't know how to find closure. And so one of the things that I did (I don't even really understand why I did it) was I decided to make a layoff song and a music video of myself pole dancing in a Kleenex Box costume. Not really sure why, but just because it made me laugh. So it was this weird little ritual I did for myself that helped reframe this negative experience and also gave me something fun to talk about when people would ask ‘How are you doing since the layoff?’”
The experience changed Shaw's perspective on job security. "Getting laid off really freed me from the illusion that a job will keep me safe and that if I do well at a job, I'll be safe. And weirdly, getting rid of that illusion for myself makes me feel safer." Research suggests people who don't expect to get laid off are often more emotionally affected than those who recognize it as a possibility.
Shaw, while acknowledging her privileged position (having severance, savings, and a partner), found unexpected liberation in surviving what she considered one of the worst professional experiences. "Getting laid off and having the worst thing happen to me was oddly liberating because now I have less Fs to give... I know what to do now. I know the drill, and it has allowed me to basically shoot my shot and not be so afraid if I don't succeed, because it's okay."
If you've been laid off, what has healing looked like for you?
Morra
P.S: Last week on the show, guest Nihar Chhaya recommended Martin Seligman's "Three P's" model. For managing complicated feelings around layoffs, they can help reframe the experience:
- Personalization: Is this happening only to you, or are there other factors at play?
- Pervasiveness: Does this affect every aspect of your life, or just one area?
- Permanence: Will this situation last forever, or is it temporary?