How U.S Rep Becca Balint Uses Curiosity And Her "Why" to Manage Anxiety And Depression
When I interviewed the wonderful U.S Representative Becca Balint of Vermont I kept asking myself: how did a woman this open and real become a member of Congress? Becca is the first woman and openly LGBTQ person to represent her home state of Vermont. As a freshman Congressperson, she has introduced legislation to support teen mental health, and serves on the powerful oversight committee.
Balint knew who she was from a young age. As a gay teenager, “whatever anxiety I feel around my sexuality [was] because society is not accepting. [I knew] there's so much hate and misunderstanding, but I didn't want to be changed. I felt solid in who I was. And I thank whatever higher power was looking over me for that strength and courage. Because it was hard enough dealing with the anxiety and the depression at that age.”
This conversation is edited for clarity and length. Listen to the podcast here.
Morra: So you had a clear boundary: ‘I'm a happily gay person. This is who I am. My mental health is a separate piece of that.’ I think the insight around whatever anxiety I had was from society is really important. Because I often say this: people who are different, people who are not white men in most institutions and businesses in this country have more anxiety because they get treated like they don’t belong. That makes us anxious. And so I always tell people it's not in your head. There's the famous article, “Stop Telling Women They Have Imposter Syndrome”-- a powerful reframe on the idea that anxiety at work is generated within us alone.
Balint: I have always been a voracious reader. And I think that helped me get through. I was always seeking out heroes in non-fiction and fiction that I could identify with, because I didn't have those mentors in my life. I didn't know any gay people. I also didn't have any politicians in my life. Nobody in my family had ever run for office. And so it was interesting that I knew at a very young age that I wanted to do that, but I didn't end up running for office until I was in my forties because I just didn't see a path.”
Morra: Tell us about how you managed anxiety and depression as you got older.
Balint: So I wish I could tell you I handled it really well in college. I knew that exercise was a big part of helping me. I also tried to self-medicate with alcohol for a long time, and that was not helpful at all. Just after I graduated from college I quit drinking for about 10 years just to figure out different strategies for myself. I had friends who were in AA and would occasionally go with them and would think about whether that was my issue- was I an alcoholic- and came to the conclusion that I wasn't. I really needed to take a break from drinking and figure out those other strategies and not use it as any kind of crutch. And that was really helpful to me.
Morra: You realized it wasn't serving you.
Balint: It was not serving me. That's exactly right. And in my thirties and forties, I became much more clear that who I was was actually not a flawed human. I had this story about myself that my anxiety and depression made me flawed. I was also a terrible sleeper. I've been a terrible sleeper my entire life. And my brain's always going- a little squirrel brain.
I remember talking to a friend of mine at the gym one day. We were both early risers. Her name was Martha. I was like, ‘Martha: what's going on with my sleep? I've given up caffeine and done all this. I've done that. Nothing seems to happen. I'm still lying awake at night.’
She just laughed. She looked at me, she said, ‘God, it's not the caffeine. You're an anxious person. It's ok. That's who you are. So how are you gonna turn it around and use that time? When your mind's going, what tools are you gonna have? Have a notebook by your bed where you can write down thoughts that you had.’ You know, I wrote an op-ed column for years and it was great. I would have all these ideas for columns, and I would just write 'em down. It’s that frame twisting of, Hey, maybe this isn't that you're damaged or broken. Maybe this is just you and you're learning how to be your best self with this brain and this body. And that was just such a huge relief. And I still need to be reminded of that constantly.
You talked about the imposter, Morra. For me, it's more about having a saboteur. It's that voice that pops up when you're tired. When I'm tired or overworked or I make a slight mistake, I collapse everything and everything's wrong. A I totally catastrophize.I have learned to ask myself, okay, what's the story your saboteur is telling you? I have a name for my saboteur.
It's Mrs. Cheveley. She is a character from the Oscar Wilde play an Ideal Husband. Mrs. Cheveley is always popping up to tell me about my shortcomings. And once I named her, it took away all this power. It's just like, oh, there you are again.
Morra: I also am always moving. I was listening to an interview you gave, and I think you actually said, I never stop moving. And my brain never stops. I've had so many people tell me just to relax. My sister and my husband will gang up on me every once in a while and be like, sit down and, and I'm like, I, you don't understand. It's not how I'm wired. Every once in a while I have to go to bed for like four days to catch up. But I think there's a lot of us out there, and when we learn how to channel it -- whether it's an op-ed column or running for office or writing.
Balint: Absolutely. Something that I think about a lot is: what's my why? What's my why for running for office? What's my why for talking honestly about my mental health struggles? My why is that I want to alleviate suffering in all of its forms. And my home base to do that is curiosity. Curiosity about myself, curiosity about others. And I love being a curious person. I love that when I go into my umpteenth, you know, mixer, in the week in DC I can still find interesting things to talk about with the people that are there. Inevitably, somebody will say something and I'll go home and I'll look up the article or the book or a podcast they recommended. And that desire to constantly be thinking and learning has given me an opportunity to connect with my why every single day to alleviate suffering, both in the policy that I'm trying to pass, but also in individual moments that I have with people.
Trust isn't built in grand gestures. It's built in these tiny little moments. I always think as I'm going through my day, how do you build trust with the people around you? Sometimes it's as simple as acknowledging that they need a place to sit and giving them your chair, getting 'em a cup of coffee cuz you know, they were late for the meeting and they didn't get there. And not thinking about what that person can do for me? Just simply getting curious about-- who is this person? How can I help relieve their suffering at this moment? And how is this connection going to make me feel better about this day?
(Tapping into your why-- your values-- is a powerful antidote to anxiety. Learn how to start in this short video based on ACT therapy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPtHb3mjrnU)
Morra: You've had experiences with depression too, right? I think it's important for people to hear about that too.
Balint: There have been a couple different points in my life when I have just felt so dark. Almost like there's physically a dark shroud around me. And right now I can keep it at bay. I have an antidepressant that I take. I wanna be clear that because of the form my anxiety takes, I've been able to continue to work even though there have been times when it has felt physically uncomfortable to do so. I have been able to do it. And I know depression takes many different forms for people. I know that everybody has their own journey. So for me, it's a combination of, I take an antidepressant, I make sure I get exercise and fresh air every single day. And I have other tools that I use when I recognize that I am sort of falling down the rabbit hole.
When I find loss of appetite is there too, and insomnia I know something's up. When I find that I have some free floating dread that doesn't seem to be attached to anything in particular. I'm better at recognizing it now. And my, my friends are better about recognizing it in me, and they can say, tell me what you ate today. You know, just like, what have you eaten today? Have you gotten outside? My wife is really good about this. Have you been outside?
Listen to my full interview with Rep. Balint here.
Morra