I'm writing this to you from 30,000 feet over the Atlantic Ocean on Mother's Day. Flying solo today feels aligned with my values of providing for my family and being reliable professionally, even though it also triggers some guilt and anxiety.

Our values give life meaning and guide our decisions, especially when facing challenges. In this newsletter, we'll explore how tuning into your values can help you overcome anxiety and rumination.

If you're prone to anxious thoughts: worrying about your performance or what other people thought, ruminating or dwelling on problems, replaying scenarios, or worrying about what-ifs - you know how it can keep you stuck. For example, you might find yourself obsessing for hours over an awkward social interaction or fixating on the worst-case outcomes of an upcoming presentation.

Focusing on your values is a powerful way to break free. It shifts your mindset from reinforcing shortcomings to connecting with your larger purpose.

How Anxiety Trapped Claire

Consider my client Claire, who shared: "I'm really anxious, and it makes me avoid risks and stay quiet in meetings. I want to grow in my career, but I'm too scared to speak up and get noticed."

Sometimes we get stuck in “thought traps”- automatic negative thoughts that tell us we’re impostors, the worst case scenario will happen, or that we’re only worthy when we’re perfect. And sometimes we get trapped by embodying our limiting thoughts, becoming “fused” with a negative or anxious thought and being unable to take action. Psychologists call this fusion: I had the thought, and I believe that thought is true and defining of me.

Here’s an example of fusion using Claire’s example: “I feel unworthy. My story is a story that I'm unworthy of attention. Therefore, I'm not gonna put my hand up for that promotion. What is happening over time is the person is moving away from their values because their values are values of growth.”

Getting Unstuck with Values

Psychologist Susan David suggests the antidote is approaching difficult thoughts and emotions with curiosity, compassion and courage:

We can notice anxiety and still take valued action. Claire might think "I feel anxious, but that's just a feeling - it doesn't mean I don't have something to contribute. I'm raising my hand because I value growth."

Identifying Your Core Values

Not sure what your core values are? Try this exercise from therapist Russ Harris:

1. Review a list of common values and pick the 5 that resonate most. Examples: Adventure, Creativity, Honesty, Generosity, Health.

2. For each value, write a sentence about what it means to you and why it's important.

3. Rank your values in order of significance.

4. Reflect on recent decisions - did they align with your top values? Consider how anxiety may have pulled you off course.

5. Look for small ways to express your values in daily life.

Living Your Values

The next time anxiety has you trapped in your head, pause and reconnect with what matters most. Even tiny gestures of values-aligned action, like smiling at a stranger or sending an encouraging text, can break the cycle of rumination.

Anchoring in your values won't erase anxiety, but it can help you coexist with it while doing what's meaningful to you. Trust that each values-driven step, however small, is moving you in the right direction.

Onward,

Morra

PS: Did you catch my Thinkers50 webinar with Julie Lythcott-Haims , Sanyin Siang, and Lenny Mendonca? It's called "How To Be Your Own Best Friend" and we go deep on how our own lives have been impacted by anxiety, depression, and the relentless pursuit of being the best. Watch here.