Grounding Practices for Zooms + Meetings, And Why They Matter Now
I notice the flavor of someone’s energy the minute I log in on Zoom or another video platform. Because my world is (wonderfully) filled with people who have “stuff,” often diagnoses like anxiety disorders, ADHD, or bipolar disorder, I’m used to a fair amount of fidgeting, intensity, hyperness and wriggling. Honestly, I have the energy of a three year old boy inside, I've just learned to calm it. But these days, more (neurotypical?) people are bringing this energy to meetings. All that nervous energy is trying to tell us something. WE ARE MAD, SAD, AND DISTRACTED. WE ARE FREAKED OUT. This makes it hard to be present, concentrate, and make good decisions.
Many years ago, it was learning to tune in and interrogate my anxiety that changed my life for the better. But, it doesn't always work if I'm really revved up. It’s hard to listen, much less tune in mindfully and give your attention when your body and mind feel like grasshoppers in a jaw.
Cognitively based techniques that use my thinking brain don’t really work when I’m all hyped up, especially when I’m worried. And so the practice of grounding using touch or hearing has become my favorite thing to do, when I’m anxious but honestly, throughout the day. I ground myself through my senses, and then I check in with my emotional state. When you can do this, you can lower your anxiety, take a beat, and act more intentionally, less impulsively. You can get good in your body so that your brain can come back online. This is a great scientific overview of grounding (https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.621958/full) but as a lay person, I just think of it as a way to calm and come back to the present moment by using props or using my senses.
So, check in with yourself using something you can touch, or using movement. I know people who keep a smooth stone or a favorite shell nearby. Some suck on a piece of hard candy. I can use a pen or my water bottle and it works great. Or, I’ll put my hand on my heart, or push my chair back and jump around just 60 seconds. Or pet the cat. You can listen for sounds, or smell things. For me, touch and hearing work the best. These small acts remind your brain that you're safe, you're here, and you're ready.
Here’s Why It Matters for Leadership: Tactic #1
I'll offer two wonderful techniques for calming hyper and distracted energy in a meeting or on a Zoom. They also work if you are feeling anxious and jumpy and unable to focus. Getting good in your body is one of the most powerful leadership skills there is. In the permacrisis, leaders everywhere are getting used to maintaining forward motion when everyone is dysregulated and no one knows what the hell will happen next. The key to this is flexibility, or “adaptive” leadership. How can you model flexibility in the face of uncertainty? You can model this through your energy and attention: stay calm, and stay focused on the work at hand. It's contagious in the best way. Your groundedness ripples out to others. As journalist Kate Woodsome notes, when we understand our autonomic nervous system and embody tools to re-regulate ourselves, we "re-regulate ourselves and those around us." You become a force for stability in chaos.
If you manage people, parent, teach, organize, or simply log into 47 Zoom calls a week, you can help calm the collective nervous system.
I’ve started experimenting with this in my own work: coming into a Zoom with settled energy, grounded posture, feet on the floor, a slower pace of speech. I can actually feel the energy of the group shift across the screen.
You don’t have to announce, “I’m regulating my autonomic nervous system now!” (Although part of me would love that.) You can simply:
Take one long exhale before you unmute.
Leave a beat of silence after someone finishes talking.
Slow your voice down by 10%.
State the goals of the conversation, set an agenda, and stay focused on the work at hand. That’s it. If you sense people getting anxious, breathe. Slow things down. You can say, “I know it’s a hard time right now. And if you want to talk, my door is always open. I find it helpful when I’m feeling upset to focus on what I can do, so I’m going to suggest we finish our agenda right now.” If one of your people needs space to talk, invite them to come talk to you 1:1.
Tactic #2: Slow Down Time
When I get anxious in a meeting or negotiation, my careful planning goes out the window and I go off-script. Anxious brain takes over, and I might get flooded with emotion and become impulsive, distracted, or flustered. And so I need to press pause.
That’s why this tactic is a game changer, and it’s from Boston University negotiation professor Moshe Cohen. It’s called Slow Down Time.
Cohen notes, “Slow down time to be able to get back to a better place before we continue. Often people act from stress... And when we're stressed we tend to rush. And that's true on my side of the table, but it's also true on the other side of the table. So by slowing myself down, I slow the whole process down and I get both the other party and myself into a better emotional state where we can actually have a reasonable conversation and figure out how to move forward.”
Every conversation and situation we walk into impacts us first on the emotional level. Cohen says, “Emotions hit you very, very hard and very fast. And then they start subsiding. Meanwhile, your cognitive brain is slowly catching up. And only when your cognitive brain has actually overtaken your emotional brain are you once again a rational thinking human being. So what that means is that if you want to be responsive to situations rather than reactive, slow down so your cognitive brain can catch up.
Cohen offers these techniques you can use to slow down time.
Staying silent and not saying anything. You can use belly breathing or longer exhales to calm yourself down
Asking for a break
My favorite: Ask your counterparty questions rather than responding to them. Reflect back what’s said to you, including if it's a question.
Moshe says, ”There's two things going on here. One, as a negotiator, I'm exploring your interests and trying to get a sense of what makes you tick. But as an anxious person, the more I get you to talk, the less I have to talk. And while you're talking, I'm also catching my breath and getting to a better place so I can respond strategically rather than react emotionally.”
I’ve already used this technique with my spouse, children, and in business! It’s magic. If you do it, others will catch on and mirror it.
The irrational nature of anxiety makes body awareness essential. You can't think your way out of an anxiety response because it's happening in the primitive limbic system, below conscious awareness. This is exactly why body-based regulation matters: you need to work with the physical response directly, not just try to rationalize it away.
Morra
P.S.: Many thanks to Lisen Stromberg who sent me the beautiful egg-shaped crystal I use to ground myself many times a day!