A Magic Negotiating Tactic for Anxious People (Or Anyone!)
Negotiating is emotional. We can use emotion strategically when negotiating, but the emotion of anxiety can trip us up and take away our power. When I get anxious in a negotiation, my careful planning goes out the window and I go off-script. Anxious brain takes over, and I might get flooded with emotion and become impulsive, distracted, or flustered. And so I need to press pause.
That’s why this tactic is a game changer, and it’s from this week’s podcast guest, negotiation professor Moshe Cohen.
It’s called Slow Down Time.
Cohen notes, “Slow down time to be able to get back to a better place before we continue. Often people act from stress in negotiations. And when we're stressed we tend to rush. And that's true on my side of the table, but it's also true on the other side of the table. So by slowing myself down, I slow the whole process down and I get both the other party and myself into a better emotional state where we can actually have a reasonable conversation and figure out how to move forward.”
If you want to be responsive to situations rather than reactive, slow down so your cognitive brain can catch up.
Cohen offers these techniques you can use to slow down time.
Stay silent. You can use belly breathing or longer exhales to calm yourself down
Ask for a break
My favorite: Instead of responding, ask your counterparty questions. Reflect back what’s said to you, including if it's a question.
Listen to this short clip where Moshe and I role-play the technique.
Moshe says, ”There's two things going on here. One, as a negotiator, I'm exploring your interests and trying to get a sense of what makes you tick. But as an anxious person, the more I get you to talk, the less I have to talk. And while you're talking, I'm also catching my breath and getting to a better place so I can respond strategically rather than react emotionally."
I’ve already used this technique with my spouse, children, and in business! It’s magic.
Morra
PS- If you've ever been in couples therapy, you'll recognize this technique :)
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