Fill In The Expectations Gap

Expectations are a universal fact of life. We hold our own expectations of ourselves. Sometimes they are extremely unrealistic and challenging.

We hold expectations of other people; those can also be unrealistic and challenging. 

Other people hold expectations of us, and those can be unrealistic and challenging.

If we’re high achieving professionals, it’s fair to say we spend a LOT of time trying to meet all different kinds of expectations. Because we’re human and we want people to like us and think we’re smart, if others’ expectations are unclear, we’ll try to guess and meet expectations, nebulous as they may be. When we feel we are not meeting expectations, we get anxious.  

But here’s the amazing thing: getting clear on expectations-- yours and theirs-- is straightforward and actionable. And it’s one of the most powerful ways to reduce anxiety at work.

Reduce Anxiety Through Clarity

Devin Lintzenich is the Chief Attorney Talent Officer at Bass, Berry & Sims, a law firm with offices in Tennessee and Washington, D.C. She is a big fan of helping everyone she works with understand expectations, because other than the substantive legal training, she says, “pretty much everything that we teach lawyers boils down to communication,” and setting expectations is a big piece of effective communication.

Lintzenich helps teams build flexibility and resilience. “Our work at the firm is a rubber band we're all going to have to stretch. We can't let the rubber band snap. And I think that the expectations gap is one of those places where it really could snap.” Client services work is demanding, corporate law is intense, and legal work has to be right.  

She says, “It’s necessary for managers to know how to set expectations. Be really clear on what your expectations are, because if you don't have clarity on that, how can you give it?”

Some expectation setting is basic. When brand-new first year associates show up, it’s key to define what responsiveness means, because it’s an incredibly important element of a client service business. If you’re the boss, defining what responsive means is key, “because if I think something should be done in an hour and you think something should be done in 30 minutes, we may both be thinking we're responsive.” An expectation void happens when a partner expects a document in 30 minutes but the associate assumes they have an hour. And so it’s key to define the terms we use to set expectations for other people. 

Lintzenich helps lawyers think about what questions to ask so they can make sure that they're really getting everything that they need. “Because when you're in law school there's a rubric and an assignment and very clear direction, and that is the opposite of the working world. Sometimes there's no deadline and it's not that someone's trying to be tricky, it's because they don't know or the timeline moves or it's sort of based around everybody's workload, which is this really nebulous thing.”

When it comes to creating clarity, there are no dumb questions! I like to make sure I know “What, how, and when” for each assignment I take on. What does the work look like? How is it delivered, and when?

Are we looking for a 10-page memo with a cover email? A fully designed powerpoint or some simple bullets? You want to make sure that you're not spinning your wheels on a format that's incongruent with those expectations, says Devin. 

When it's about a work product, the next questions that have to be asked are when and how. “So, what's the deadline, and what format are you looking for? But I would massage those a little bit. So, oftentimes they say, ‘Oh, no deadline, just whenever you can.’ And whenever or when you can get to it is not a deadline. Never, ever accept that, says Lintzenich. You might then ask, "Would Friday be okay?" But then they say, ‘Oh no, definitely, that's way too long. I meant whenever you can get to it today!’ At least then you know their expectation, she says.

I call that reducing anxiety through clarity. And even if you’ve worked with a colleague for years and know what they expect, new pressure, different projects, events like company restructuring or different leadership bring new expectations. There are no dumb questions! Communication is key.

Learn For Next Time

Sometimes we just miss, and fail to meet others’ expectations. I failed to meet my son’s expectations recently. He expected me to attend each of his soccer games. He was upset when I didn’t show for a couple weeks in a row. And so we had to talk about it. I explained that I couldn’t make every game, but I would try to make most of them and that he should tell me when an especially important game was coming up. And I made it to the game the following week.

Even at work, there's usually a next time. Devin Lintzenich says, “One of my favorite things about clarifying expectations is asking about next time. A lot of people dislike getting feedback, and hate giving feedback, and it just makes them very uncomfortable, and I think insecure, because it brings up their own possible imperfections. And so I say, after you get something, whether that's a red line of the work product or you see the final draft that goes on to the client, or maybe it's just that you've submitted your work to the more senior person, schedule 15 minutes on their calendar and ask, "What could I do differently next time?" So you're not rehashing something that makes everybody uncomfortable, you're just talking about next time. And that's a really sneaky way of getting to their expectations, that feels more neutral I think to a lot of people. It's inherently a growth question.” 

There is so much we cannot control at work, but we can understand and manage expectations. 

This week’s newsletter focuses on managing others’ expectations. Next week we’ll focus on managing your own.

Morra