Negotiating is emotional. We can use emotion strategically when negotiating, but the emotion of anxiety can trip us up and take away our power. When I get anxious in a negotiation, my careful planning goes out the window and I go off-script. Anxious brain takes over, and I might get flooded with emotion and become impulsive, distracted, or flustered. And so I need to press pause. That’s why this tactic is a game changer, and it’s from this week’s podcast guest, negotiation professor Moshe Cohen.

This week The Anxious Achiever features two powerful men who experienced severe mental health challenges. Darshan Patel’s Bipolar disorder led him to betray his family and create big financial debts even while he climbed as an executive. Lenny Mendonca was a Partner at McKinsey for many years. When he left McKinsey, he became active in public service, and agreed to join California Governor Gavin Newsom as his Chief Economic and Business Advisor.

Meredith never thought of herself as an anxious person. “The word ‘worry‘ never meant anything to me. I was a problem solver. Give me a problem no matter how large - like climate change- and I will attempt to solve it. I thought any system could be improved by working hard enough to find an answer; do enough research and you could find a way. I spent a lot of time thinking about things and rehashing. I did not have boundaries. I did not understand how to do things less than a hundred percent. And I didn't even realize that overthinking was something that could negatively impact me.”

How do you get through the day when you’re not ok?

If you’re caring for your kids, your parents, or both, it’s tough to stay focused on work when you’re always on guard that you’re going to have to run to school or answer a doctor’s call. I frequently say to myself: “Oh shit, I really need to drop everything and deal with this crisis at home but I’m supposed to host a Zoom for work, so can I surreptitiously text under my lap and talk at the same time and hopefully no one will notice?”

“There’s no quicker way to kill the joy in my work than to micromanage me.” That’s my LinkedIn colleague Mita Mallick. I think a lot of us would agree! When I’ve been micromanaged, my anxiety hits a 12. It attacks all my insecurities and thought traps: perfectionism, catastrophizing, impostor syndrome. Amy Gallo is one of the world’s experts on getting along at work. I asked her, “What do you do if a colleague is micromanaging you?”

When Ryan Mundy left the NFL in 2016, he tells me he felt “absolutely depressed, and also dealing with a ton of anxiety.” Ryan used the experience of a mental health crisis, and his inability to find a therapist who understood what he was experiencing both as a Black man and a pro athlete, to start a wellness business called Alkeme.

Sometimes we get stuck in “thought traps”- automatic negative thoughts that tell us we’re impostors, the worst case scenario will happen, or that we’re only worthy when we’re perfect. Sometimes we get trapped by embodying our limiting thoughts, becoming “fused” with a negative or anxious thought and being unable to take action.

Join me and psychotherapist Carolyn Glass for a LinkedIn live- bring your questions on all matters mental health and work...or just come to share in a discussion of what's our minds in mental health.

You’ve probably had the experience of hearing a voice in your head saying you’re not good enough. That’s The Voice. Maybe The Voice says “If you just work hard enough, you cannot fail. So work harder.” It may feel like it’s your voice, but it’s not. It’s The Voice… and it does not tell the truth.

It’s so important for leaders to understand their own boundaries and those of their team, especially in times of anxiety. When we know our boundaries, we can set limits. “The notion of a limit is like the line that you want to try and observe, being careful not to cross,” said Dr. Harley. “It’s what you are or aren’t willing to do, or what you are or aren’t willing to tolerate.”

My talk with Cara McNulty became an intimate discussion about maternal mental health, and what it feels like to be a career-driven mother with anxiety. Dr. Cara McNulty is leading CVS Health’s strategy to expand mental health services and resources, and she has a powerful platform to help improve access to mental health care for millions.

I am so proud of the impact The Anxious Achiever has had on the conversation about our leadership and our mental health. And so I'm asking you to vote for the Anxious Achiever in the Signal Awards’ “Best Commute Podcast”.

Dr. Bonnie Hayden Cheng studies how anxiety can be useful for us at work. That’s right: anxiety has something to offer! It can be useful. If you’re anxious about layoffs as we head into the end of the year (and who isn’t in this economy?) take heart: You can use your anxiety to do great work.

McKinsey research finds that one out of four workers indicate they experience high levels of toxic workplace behavior. That’s shocking. In all 15 countries and across all dimensions assessed, toxic workplace behavior was the biggest predictor of burnout symptoms and intent to leave by a large margin —predicting more than 60 percent of the total global variance. Take a minute to think about that.

College admissions haunts me, and my children aren’t even in high school yet. It is a bubbling cauldron of anxiety for students and their parents, born out of the toxic combination of the pressure to achieve, social comparison, financial means, and sheer willpower.

It’s hard to be different, and being neurodivergent can make it hard to succeed in many workplaces. Some who are neurodivergent struggle to get hired, and some struggle to stay or advance in an organization. It takes work to find the right place and to build the right infrastructure to support yourself as you progress in your career.

We use the term to describe our greatest achievers, but in reality, perfectionism is a thought pattern or behavior that demands “of others or of oneself an extremely high or even flawless level of performance, in excess of what is required by the situation. It is associated with depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and other mental health problems.”

Morra is highlighted in Harvard Business Review and talks about what should you do if your employee comes to you with a mental health challenge?

This week’s podcast interview is the story of a homeless teen who channeled her anxiety into perfectionism with incredible academic and athletic achievement – but at enormous cost to her body and her mental health. I love this interview, and you will too. It’s the first of a two part series on perfectionism.

Grief is just one thorny emotion we try to erase from the office environment. But when we deny people their feelings at work, we deny the empathy and trust that build strong teams and good relationships. We force a grieving person to fit into a mold that they simply may not be ready for.