Is Your Online Life Making You Anxious And Lonely?
Author and tech founder Isa Watson says, “We've gotten to a place of living where in this social media and digital age, we too often conflate consumption with connection.
Like many anxious achievers, Isa was “socialized to be perfect with gold stars in elementary school and ugly plastic trophies in middle school. And then social media came along. I think that I got a little bit addicted to the validation I was getting. But I was getting addicted to the wrong validation. It wasn't about my achievements, it was about my lack of connection with my real life.
My podcast guest this week, Isa was a published chemist when she was 19, was a PhD candidate in Chemistry, and then had a big career on Wall St. before she pivoted to create a startup. She was a star on social media. But a family tragedy laid bare the loneliness in her life. As Isa opened up about her experience with loneliness, depression, and anxiety she found many shared her loneliness. Isa came to believe “I was living and positioning my life, but not really living my life, I found that that was actually more common than I had expected to hear. The world feels so lonely. I think sometimes because everyone is socialized to share the perfections and the things that went well. But sometimes when you start to share those things that did not go well, you realize, wow, there's so many other people that are experiencing that too.”
Isa rebuilt her life-- beyond likes.
And you know, as I’ve been busy promoting my upcoming book, I’ve been experiencing the constant dopamine search we experience when we post content and expect reactions. When you’re in this cycle, it’s hard to settle. Yesterday nothing happened in my online life that propelled me forward. No emails asking me to do things. No social media accolades. No likes. And it felt like a day where I was searching for something that was totally dependent on the screen.
I want my identity to be independent from my screen life.
And so I’ve started a practice of physically separating from my phone, looking at it, and asking what my actions mean to me and my sense of self. What part of my anxiety feels the need to respond? Trust me: this is powerful.
Action: Quick response to email. Meaning: A proof that I’m committed to my work.
Action: Posting on social media. Meaning: I’m relevant.
Action: Checking likes and comments. Meaning: Validation.
And I’m not judging these actions and meanings. They are worthwhile. But I’m trying to be mindful of how frequently I check in, and how dependent my mood is on these actions and meanings.
Try it. I’m curious what will come up for you!
Morra