Want to disrupt yourself? Look anxiety in the face!
“I had to ask myself: “Was my anxiety helping me work harder? Or was I working hard to manage my anxiety? And that's not a good reason to work.”
That’s my guest Whitney Johnson. Like a lot of anxious achievers, for many years Whitney used work as a way to avoid feeling anxiety. She was an investment banker- which she jokingly calls a great job for anxious people. Now, Whitney is a globally known leadership author, coach, and advisor who has created the conversation around the idea of disrupting yourself. When you disrupt yourself, you are “stepping back from who you are today to slingshot into who you want to be.” Disrupting yourself is a mechanism of growth and change. We are wired to grow.
But we struggle with anxiety along the way. Whitney struggles with anxiety. When we change and take risks, we feel anxious. After much reflection, Whitney says anxiety can be a gift that forces us to do the work of changing, to constantly question ourselves and what we stand for, and to try to live our values.
And here’s the key question Whitney asks herself: am I letting my anxiety control me by acting out an anxious behavior when in my heart I know I want to do something else? Am I avoiding change by acting out anxiety?
Sometimes we avoid and sometimes we’re impulsive. Impulsivity forces change but it also causes us to skip some very crucial planning steps! In 2005, Whitney quit her Wall St. job without a plan. Looking back, she realizes her anxiety made it too scary to actually think through the career next step. “I was pretty impulsive. I just quit and I didn't have a plan. And it was foolish of me in retrospect because it put us in a very difficult financial situation for a few years.”
I’m also an impulsive actor. When I want to do something, but I’m too anxious to really think it through…I act and pay the consequence later. Not great. Through a lot of work and therapy, Whitney asks herself, how do I manage my anxiety so it doesn’t manage me?
Here is one of my favorite exercises to help look your anxiety in the face and manage the emotion- I've adapted it below. It’s called “Expansion” and it’s part of ACT therapy. (I love this example from Natalie Brown),
Sitting with something that scares you or uncomfortable feelings may feel counterintuitive.
Natalie Brown asks, “What is the opposite of holding the door shut against those emotions? Here’s the answer: Opening up the door and asking the feelings in.”
Expansion
Sit quietly
Come into the present moment. Hear the room. Breathe in. Hold it for 4 counts…and have a long exhale.
If there’s a big step or change you want to make, but it is also driving up your anxiety, summon it to your consciousness. See the words in your mind (I want to move to New York, or, I want to quit my job, or I really want to tell my boss they’re wrong).
How does this make you feel?
Step 1: Observe the sensation the feeling brings you. Like an analyst or scientist.
Scan your body from head to toe and notice the uncomfortable sensations you feel. Pick one sensation you want to focus your attention on- maybe it came up in the body scan. Maybe it’s a heaviness in your chest or a churning stomach or a tightness in your throat. For me it’s almost always in my jaw or shoulders or the front of my forehead.
Where does it stop and start?
How big is it?
Is it still or is it moving?
Does it have a shape?
If it had a color, what color would it be?
Really get to know that sensation and get a clear picture of it.
Step 2: Breathe
Breathe deeply and slowly and imagine your breath going in and around the sensation.
Deep breathing lowers the tension in your body and instructs your brain to calm down.
Step 3: As you’re breathing: Create space around the sensation
See the words, feel the sensation again, and visualize space opening up around it. Make room for that anxious feeling or worry. Instead of tension, tightening pressure imagine opening, loosening, making room.
Step 4: Allow the sensation
Allow the sensation to be there. Just allow it. See the words and feel the feeling. You can name the feeling in your head.
Let it be
You can say hello to it
Keep breathing
Acknowledge when it’s hard
Simply allow the emotion. Don’t try to change it
Put a healing hand on your chest.
Breathe in…open your eyes
Expansion means opening up and making room for difficult feelings, urges, and sensations, thereby allowing them to "flow through" you without a struggle. You don't have to like or want these feelings; you just make room for them and allow them to be there even though they are unpleasant.
Yours in growth and change-
Morra
PS: The Anxious Achiever book will be out in 2 weeks! April 11! Have you pre-ordered your copy?